I am Mum

As Mother's Day approaches, I have been reflecting back on my role as a mother and what it means. I am not just a Mum. I am a million things. But the most important thing I will ever do in my life will be a mother.
And I really don't want to stuff it up.
Having a child with a disability means you are no longer just a Mum. It means you are your child's voice. You are sometimes their arms and legs. You have to pay attention to every.single.detail or else you will end up with a sick or injured child. Or worse. Your child could end up very very sad.

It is hard.
Being a Mum of a child who can't talk.
Who can't tell you about their excursion to the Aquarium.
Who can't tell you if he got a window seat on the bus.
Who can't tell you if he loved seeing the stingrays.
I don't stop asking him though. About his day, I mean.
I desperately look for changes in his facial expressions, to see if he is telling me or not.
Does that smile mean that he had a good time?
Do those sad eyes mean he wishes he could tell me all about it too?

And what about the constant health issues? 
I can't tell you what is wrong with my child because he can't tell me how he feels.
Again, I am guessing by the constant seizures, the pale face, the gentle whinge, that he is feeling awful. But how do I fix that? How can I find out the reason?
People think they know.
In fact, people bombard you with the solutions.
OH YEAH.
Of course. It is just as simple as that. Now why didn't I think of that?
If only it was that easy.

I am, and will always be a Mum First.
I will always want to wrap my arms around my children's bodies and enjoy how they seem to just fit so perfectly.
I will always tell them how proud I am of them. How much I love them. That they are beautiful, kind and clever.
I will always want to make them happy, give up anything to ensure they get what they need.
I will always just enjoy hanging out with them. Talking with them. Being close to them.
Making each day better than the last.

You know what I love about Mothers Day?
I don't want expensive presents. I just want to be able to spend time with my children and my husband. Enjoying each others company.
And finding ways to smile.

Comments

  1. AnonymousMay 7, 2010 at 6:18 PM

    And you know what Anna?You are a fantastic mum and you do such a wonderful job,I really look up to you.The boys are so lucky to have you as a mum there is nothing in this world that you wouldnt do for them.
    I hope you have a great Mother's Day mate.

    All my love Jules xxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. TheThingsIdTellYouMay 7, 2010 at 8:11 PM

    That is both heartbreaking and inspiring. Heartbreaking, of course, that he has to struggle so, and that it is so hard for you. But inspiring, because your words drip with your love for him. It is so evident every time you speak of your children how lucky you are to have each other, and just how much you cherish them.

    I'd bet, if he could, the very first thing he would tell you is how much he loves you and that he knows you give him your all.

    Love to you.

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnnaMay 12, 2010 at 12:11 PM

    Thanks for your beautiful comments Jules and Melissa. Both comments made me teary (in a good way).

    XOXO

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownMay 15, 2010 at 4:15 PM

    you're SUPER MUM!

    ReplyDelete

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